To love and to be loved
by Sweet Executioner
Summary: Crowley has been keeping an eye on his meatsuit's very own "Lolita" for years. Now, thanks to Sam's curiosity, he sees that drawing a line between his own and the meatsuit's feelings is almost impossible. / S8 season finale spoiler, Crowley/OC


**Author's note:** Yeah, I know, OC and all, but I guess there will be enough Crowley/Sam fics in the next couple of days.

**Warning!** If you haven't seen the season finale yet, don't read it. Spoiler alert!

* * *

"Who is she?" Sam asked, turning back to Crowley who was staring straight ahead with cloudy eyes.

It had been quite a long time since Sam called Rose, telling her he wouldn't make it to the place where they were supposed to meet. Instead he wanted her to come to them, being around so she wouldn't get hurt. What if someone found her? After all he had called for help and no one came; only Abaddon to kill him. Thinking about that, it was good she wasn't there when Abaddon arrived but now he was getting worried.

Closing his eyes he took a deep breath. No, she wasn't dead. She _couldn't_ be dead. What would he do without her? It seemed like for demons he was now public enemy number one and whatever Moose was doing to him it was turning him into something else. He was scared. For the first time in like an eternity he was genuinely afraid.

"Crowley, who is this Rose you wanted me to call?" Sam repeated his previous question, finally getting the demon's attention.

"Does it matter?" he asked hoarsely.

Sam shrugged. "I'm just curious."

How could he ever understand it? For him he was nothing more but a demon; a twisted, cruel, emotionless soul who only cared for himself. It was true but there were things he simply couldn't ignore. "She's important for the man I'm possessing." Upon seeing Sam's raised eyebrows, he decided to tell him the truth because he liked the younger Winchester since he wasn't as arrogant as his brother. "It's been a really long time since I started to possess him and as you know we know and feel everything they do. This young lady, Rose is... you can say she's his Lolita, the light of his life, the fire of his loins."

"As in the novel?" Crowley nodded. "How old is she?"

"Twenty," he replied quietly as the corner of his mouth turned into a small smile. "A long time ago he loved a woman, but his love and admiration was never returned by her. He watched as she fell in love, madly and infinitely before moving to the other side of the country with her boyfriend. Then I took over his body and a long time passed. A few years ago I was in that little town. Business, you see," he added quickly. "And there she was, looking exactly like that woman, being the perfect replica of her mother. He knew she was her daughter. _I_ knew she was her daughter. His emotions were so strong that I simply couldn't repress or ignore them. So I followed her, watching this girl who was only fourteen at the time from afar. Every once in a while I returned, only to satisfy my meatsuit's needs, literally stalking this pure and innocent girl. Her mother grew old and my meatsuit didn't find her attractive anymore. But her daughter, Rose is everything for him and this feeling is so strong I'm suffocating and sometimes I can barely focus on my job as the king. About a year ago she got into trouble. I was following her one night, keeping a safe distance and walking on the other side of the street when a man jumped in front of her with a gun. In seconds he grabbed her bag and demanded more, pointing the gun at her forehead. I heard her crying, begging him not to kill her but he was probably high on some drug and didn't listen. I killed him. She was grateful. Then I told her she was in danger, which was obviously a lie at the time, and it would be better if she came with me. To my biggest surprise she agreed and a day or two later there she was, living in my house with me. My meatsuit was happy; I could feel it so strongly for a second I thought they were my own feelings. Whenever she smiles or looks at me with those gorgeous blue eyes of hers I feel almost human again, her beauty and kindness stopping me from being angry at her when she starts asking questions about what I do. I need her to be here, especially now that no one seems to care about me. What would I do if she died, Moose?"

Oh, how easily he could understand the confused and doubtful look on the young Winchester boy's face. He, the one who'd been killing everyone they ever saved was now talking about a young woman, telling him about emotions that weren't even his. Then again he felt like someone was about to rip out his heart whenever the idea of Rose dying came to his mind. But it couldn't be. There was no chance he was starting to develop feelings for her, feelings that had nothing to do with the man he possessed.

Just when Sam opened his mouth to say something, Crowley's ears were already focusing on a car stopping in front of the building. He let out a breath of relief he wasn't even aware he was holding until now. It was her and she was alive. But why was he so happy? Why was the _meatsuit_ so happy? Or were they both equally happy to know their precious girl was just about to walk in through that door?

Emotions, emotions, emotions. Crowley had no idea what was happening to him. Until now he was sure everything he felt for her came from that poor soul he was possessing but now he wasn't so sure. The other man was gone, hiding or locked up in the back of his mind and now it was only him, the demon, the King of Hell who was nothing more but a confused kid. At the moment he was ever so grateful Sam saved him and was turning him into this - whatever he was becoming - but there was something else, another feeling he couldn't name.

Rose entered, her long reddish brown hair pulled into a messy ponytail. Her eyes found him immediately, widening in shock. Her mouth slightly opened as her gaze shifted to Sam and her quickening heartbeat gave away her fear. _No, no, don't be afraid, darling, it's still me_, he thought. Crowley closed his eyes and gulped. Of course she was afraid; he was chained up, a metal collar keeping his neck in place as if he was a monster who could kill her in a blink of an eye. He would never hurt her, just as he would never hurt Moose.

He saw the younger Winchester shaking his head as he got another shot of his blood ready. There was nothing left to lose. The moment Sam pulled out the needle from his neck he started to talk, honestly, not even thinking about the words that left his mouth. They came so naturally he just didn't know where they came from. His eyes traveled back and forth between them, seeing how Rose took a few steps closer to Sam as his voice and words became more and more desperate, as he felt tears - actual, honest and real tears - streaming down his face.

And then he said it out loud. He wanted to be loved. No one loved him, everyone was out there to kill him and it struck him right there and right then. It was so pathetic, he knew, but it was the truth. Sam seemed utterly shocked and confused, unable to form a sentence. He carefully turned her gaze to Rose. She was crying softly, sweetly, her eyes locked with his and he couldn't tell if she hated him or not.

"What?" Sam blurted out.

Crowley looked at him, biting his lower lip as he was trying to find out what to say. It was all true what else could he say? But what he only noticed in the very last second was Rose rushing over to him and then, without warning, her lips crushed into his, her soft fingers tracing the side of his bruised face as she kissed him. "Don't you ever dare to say that again," she said when she pulled away. "I mean I'm here and I know you don't love me back but you can count on me. Whatever happens I'll be there because I love you. You _are_ loved."

"You should go," he suddenly said. What was happening to him? Emotions, all his as far as he could tell but now it seemed like his mind was getting clearer. He didn't love her back. He _couldn't_ love her back. "Go and hide and salt every door and window. You're not safe and you'll never be because of me."

"Did I do something wrong?" Rose asked, her voice heartbreakingly weak as she fought back her tears. "Sorry for telling you but I just couldn't-"

"Go," he repeated firmly one more time. "Just go and never come back." Crowley gulped when she turned around and ran out to her car. "Don't say a word, Moose," he said quietly. All he wanted was some peace. They couldn't love him. He didn't deserve it and he couldn't care.

Or so he thought.


End file.
